I am Nigeria

by Adeosun Oluyemi Theophilus

I am 6ft 7 inches tall. At least head and shoulders taller than the average man. Everywhere I go; people cannot resist the temptation of staring at me. Some even go the extra mile of making comments about me. How tall are? Do you play basket ball? Are your parents tall etc. Children ask. Uncle why are you this tall. Some are negative or taken aback. They say you are too tall. Others say how tall is your wife? Comments and questions never cease about my height.

I have received many favors because of it. It opens doors of relationship and business development. Yes my height is outstanding. It also has much cost. Yea, imagine tailors charging extra cost, not been able to sit in a commercial bus, haven to bend down when entering rooms or hit your head against the panel. So many associated inconveniences attached to my great height.

Yet, in spite of it all, I love me. I am proud to be me. I won’t like to be nobody else.

I recall when I was ashamed of my height. I dare not enter a lecture room from the front out of shame that I will be geared at. That was a long time ago. I encountered some literature that told me I was great, I was special, if I like myself other people will like me, if I am proud of myself, other people will respect me. Then I embraced self development, things turned around for me.

I am Nigeria. Love me, hate me, and embrace me. I am not what you think I am. No not at all. I am not a 419 or fraud (97% of my inhabitants are honest). I am neither poor nor despondent. I am not at the mercy of other nations. I am free and adding value to the world. I provide the largest troupe in Africa to peace keeping. I send relief materials to countries in distress. I was there for Haiti. I was there for South Africa back then. I have potentials. In 15 years to come I will have produced 10 Nobel Laurels.

I am great. I produced the MD of World Bank; I have produced men who worked at the highest echelon of multinational corporations like Meril Lynch etc. I will yet do more. I am not asking you for a chance. I am creating it. I am here to stay.
I am capable not only of solving my problems but also to solve for the rest of the world. Do you need manpower, come here for it. Do your brainpower, come here for it. Do you need integrity, this is its domicile.

I am a giant, Nigeria is the giant of Africa, I am Nigeria.

Focusing on the Fundamentals

Written by TM Oluyemi Adeosun

We need a leader who we can identify with not on the basis of tribe, tongue, political party and religious affiliation but on his the capacity to understand the fundamental challenges we are facing as a people/nation, identify the strengths and numerous potentials within the nation as a result generate and implement ideas that could harness these potentials to deliver our nation from the doldrums of poverty and ineptness/ineptitude.

I am bored with newspaper report about zoning, northern, eastern or minority agenda. My challenge is not and will never be where the president comes from but lack of electricity, infrastructural decay, monolithic economy, educational decadence, the beast called corruption etc

Earlier in this administration, we had a manifesto built on 7-point Agenda covering all basic and essential aspects of the Nigerian lives – according to the ruling party. (you could mention the 7 points). But one thing that was lost amidst the propaganda and braggadocio was the absence accountability and a measuring scale what has been done from day one the campaign started. Now, 7-point agenda seems dead or out rightly dead. Imagine if each point were taken as a project with milestones and deadlines! Imagine if Minister of Power had a mandate to deliver 1000Mega Watt as his KPI! Imagine if Minister of Education need to ensure less failure in National exams before he gets his next project approved. Imagine if the Minister of Labour was appraised on the number of jobs created in three (3) months! Imagine what I am imagining!

It has been recommended that we perhaps should focus on one agenda and see it to a logical conclusion i.e. electricity. If an administration can make uninterrupted electricity available to all Nigerians, we can name all transformers after the president as a memorial. Providing this critical resource will have a multiplier effect on all aspect of the socio-economic milieu. SMEs will thrive and more jobs will be created. In our individual lives, I believe this is one step we can take now and likewise have an overwhelming impact on our entire lives.

Our multifaceted developmental problems may appear to require multi-dimensional strategy to face it headlong. In each sector, we can identify one project that will provide succor on multiple fronts to the citizenry of this great nation.

I wish the government or minister of transport can select the railway sub sector and connect the hinterland with the cities. I.e. connect Lagos to all the major towns in the southwest i.e. Ibadan, Abeokuta, Ijebu-ode,Sagamu with high speed train systems. This will mean you don’t have to live in Lagos to work in Lagos (population distribution). This will result to the over hiked price of rents in Lagos to fall to realistic levels (reduced housing problem). Jobs will be created for train drivers and officers (employment generation). Income will be generated by the train operators. What interest me the most is that our roads will last longer since their will be less traffic on the road (traffic decongestion and cost savings). Heavy duty goods will be moved more through the rails than the roads.

The above illustration is simple and anybody can think about it. The big question is will someone implement it?

We need a leader with the capacity to think and deploy solutions using native intelligence and indigenous personnel. To some extent Lagos has shown us what a strong will can do. We need a thinking President, 36 thinking Governors and 774 thinking Local government Chairmen. (108 Senators, 3XX Reps, XYZ Commissioners, XYZ Councilors) We must embrace the process of beneficiation i.e. Add value to the raw materials before exporting them. We are well endowed we just need to put on our thinking cap, implement and start prospering.

Want to relocate to Naija

U, anyone who wnts to relocate to Naija?I think u have to read this funny piece.
First , the down side of Nigeria . Its economy has predominant characteristics of a third world's. It is No. 35th on Transparency International' s rating on the list of the world's most corrupt nations. It used to be No. 1. Thanks to the EFCC and ICPC. NITEL has now completely collapsed. Where NITEL failed, mediocre local independent telephone operators dominated by Indians are carting billions to the banks and their banks in India . NEPA is tottering.
The road networks are in a very, very dilapidated condition. The transportation system in Nigeria is in a big mess. Travel by road in Nigeria has seized to be a thing of joy. By air is expensive and froth with danger of air crash due to the preponderance of molue aircraft in the air. Still, it is expensive. A forty-five-minute flight to Abuja from Lagos costs between twelve and fifteen thousand Naira, ($90-$130) depending on the airline. Crime is climbing because of joblessness, particularly among young school leavers. Politically motivated pen robbery is still with us. Economically induced robberies are on the rise too. Banks are now robbed in broad day light. You cannot open your favorite daily any morning without reading about a robbery incident here and there. Because it is not an election season, assassinations are on the wane - it looks like.
In spite of all, this is the best time to start thinking of relocating to Nigeria . Nigeria is changing. This is very fast. You begin to notice this at the airports - your first points of entry. The air cooling systems now work most of the time. The conveyor belts work too, most of the times that I have seen. Power systems at the airports fail intermittently but not as they used to do.
The people you meet either at departure lounges or on arrival halls are beginning to imbibe the culture of courtesy. Trolleys, though for hire are now available for the jaded traveler to cart away his luggage. Even the toilets are manned by professionals who say hi to you before use and after. (Some times they hide the tissue papers and make you pay for service.) Inside the airports, touting has been kept at bay. There are banks with ATM machines competing for the business of the Nigerian traveler, at most Nigerian airports now. Modern communications gadgets are on display at every nook and cranny displaying wares, arrival and departure times.
Before you relocate, make sure you have the wherewithal to get back to where you are relocating from - just in case. The reasons are too many. But the first you would notice is how far high on the economic ladder your mates have climbed. And as you know, economic progress has a twin brother climbing the same ladder - social mobility. Your contemporaries have moved and they did so slowly but sure-footedly while you were gone. Your mates dine at the most expensive restaurants and drive the latest model cars - not on credit.
Your mates have bought up properties in the choicest areas of the land. Your mates are to be found in, Wuse II, Asokoro and Maitama areas of Abuja . Your mates have occupied the choicest areas of Lagos , particularly the picturesque sites of Lekki , Victoria Garden City - fancifully called the VGC. Of course, your mates now use their Ikoyi and VI previous homes as offices. It is no more fanciful to say I live in Ikoyi or VI. There are new places of abode in the land - from Kaduna to Port Harcourt and from Enugu to Maiduguri , and your mates have taken them up while you were gone.
If you left over ten to twenty years ago and you are planning to be back, know that you have become unemployable. You have to be self-employed for a long while. Be sure you have enough resources to keep you going through the period it would take you to re-acquaint yourself with your "former" home. Things have really changed - changed for good for those who did not jet out and somehow changed for bad for those of us who took the next plane and left the country.
In Nigeria , your mates in the public and private sectors of the economy, particularly the banking and oil industry, have become highly placed. Most earn the equivalent of between 200,000 and 300,000 dollars a year plus other incentives to wit. There was an advert recently placed in one of the papers for a job opening which warned those not earning twenty million Naira and above, per annum, in their present job not to apply. Most have built their own houses in Nigeria . Most have more than two cars in their drive way. Most live in homes that smack of opulence, with every modern gadget ranging from large sized Plasma TVs to Microwaves.
Most have genuinely saved enough to send their children to some of the best educational institutions over seas, including to the Ivy Leagues. Most are share holders in most of the emerging markets that have been liberalized during the eight boom years (and counting) which we that left, have missed. Most of them have savings in liquid cash that run into tens of millions. Most have invested in the now, very lucrative Nigeria stock market. You would marvel when you have a snippet of what amount of shares your mates now hold. You would shiver in self pity.
If your mates joined politics, they have occupied the choicest of political positions in the land and made new friends that will be hard to dislodge. If you happen to have showed off to them in your hey days of "returning" from America , be rest assured they have not forgotten. They call us mercenaries in politics. It is now their turn to show you, that you can't have it both ways. They have built a barricade and insulated themselves from out side interests - you the returnee being an outside interest that must be dreaded. If you have real or passing interest in politics, you must show it with extreme caution. They would like to invite you to political meetings and discussion only to put you to size.
While not accepting everything they say, when making your presentations, or contributions avoid using phonetics. Avoid such phrases as "if it were in America or Europe ." They do not like to hear that. One of them surely will remind you "this is Nigeria " to the embarrassing applause of others, there present. They see Nigeria now as a trophy. They labored for Nigeria while you were gone. They suffered the June 12 crises together while you were gone. They suffered the Abacha era while you were gone. While you were gone, you probably had returned on one or two occasions only to scurry out soon after complaining of incessant heat, erratic power supply and mosquito bites. At the airport, you must have been caught criticizing everything in sight. They have not forgotten your new borrowed accent and the phonetics that do not rhyme.
That you need a shelter to live in Nigeria if you planned relocating to Nigeria is an understatement. There are many ways to do this. It's either that you have managed to build something for yourself in the city you would want to relocate or you could find an affordable apartment. With the kind of money we make overseas from genuine everyday livelihood, it is almost next to impossibility that you could build yourself an abode commensurate to what you are used to. If you find yourself in this position, don't worry, if you endured the pains and worked hard and kept a low profile in order not antagonize your former friends, within five years your will build your self, your dream home.
You need to feed well. This too is an understatement. Avoid going to the supermarkets to get your food - raw, processed or cooked. Buy from the local sellers at the nearest mammy market. Go to the supermarkets and shops to buy the essentials. At the malls, you will find that while you spend a miserable amount to buy your essential needs, Nigerians who are not been tos, buy up anything in site both the ones they need and those they do not need.
This people have so much money. How they make it, you will find out if you endured. Closely related to this is your phone habit. It is very expensive to use the telephones in Nigeria . As you know, telephone calls in the western world are taken for granted. Here, while it's beginning to happen as if it is for granted, it is very, very expensive. To Nigerians who are not used to such freedom of expression, they are spending millions everyday to make phone calls -to satisfy their newly found phone freedom. If you are not mindful, telephone bills may cut into your feeding pattern. If this happens, before long, you will become an object of gossip. You will lose your complexion and weight and they will notice.
You need clothing to cover the body you have labored to nurture while you lived abroad. This also, is an understatement. Nigerians pay too much attention to dressing. Your dress mode can shut the door at you or open the door for you. Avoid casual dressing, particularly when you are going to meet with the Nigerian big man. He knows the stuff you're wearing and could place you based on that. Be simple but neat if need be occasionally be flamboyant. Express yourself. Speak good English, where there is a need, do not use slang such as I wana or I gonna….
Do not lend money. Give out only that which you could afford to lose. Beware of relatives and the extended family system. If you manage to set up a small business, never employ those closely related to you. They will ruin you.
You would need to dry clean. Dry cleaning here is too expensive. You pay as much 300 naira (about $2) to dry clean an inner vest. Think then of what it would cost to do a bunch of laundry. Think seriously of having a washer and a drier installed - wherever you may decide to live.
You must have at least two good cars. That car of yours, which you price so much, is not fashionable in Nigeria . Here some people drive the next year's model before they become common in Europe or the Americas . How they make such money to pay upfront is still the mystery I am struggling to unravel. The roads are so bad and the drivers so ill-trained that if you drove yourself, and not being used to their adversarial/ confrontational pattern of driving, your car and you would, in a very short while be a sorry sight. They hit you and beg you. They hit you because you are conscious of driving rules and apply it. They, who do not apply simple driving rules, rule the highway in Nigeria . In a society not used to insurance, and where vehicular laws are not implemented, begging has replaced insurance coverage. Even passer bys would chip in to ask the offending reckless driver to beg you and get on with his life. If they beg you, you must accept. That's your only recourse.
To this end, you must have a good mechanic as a friend. He will introduce to you, a good panel beater (your used car will always need to be panel beaten back to form after constantly being bashed by ill-trained Nigerian road users. Most Nigeria drivers, I hear, buy their drivers license) who will in turn introduce you to a vulcanizer and an auto electrician, here, fancifully called a rewire. You need a vulcanizer because the roads are bad. Flat tires occur very often here than usual. Of all the auto-related experts you will work with, the rewire should be the one you must dread. He is not well trained in the operation of modern day computer induced auto cars. His method of rewiring has set many late model computerized cars ablaze.
Make a difference.. .Stand out of the crowd and touch a life...u are a miracle to someone today cos God has made you one and given you the capacity to blossom in someones life...God bless you