THE PHILOSOPHY OF UNDER ACHIEVEMENT

Excerpts from Leke Alder's book MINDING YOUR BUSINESS


1 The shortest route to underachievement is called nothing. Just do nothing. This is the first rule of underachievement. Fold your arms and just sit down. Stare into the skies, twiddle your thumbs, tap your knees; and if those seem too strenuous, meditate on Nothingness. Let your mind wander and day-dream but by all means do nothing.

2 Make indefinite plans. And each time you miss an opportunity to prove your worth, remind yourself of your grander plans.

3 Put in half effort into every job you have knowing that the man who said “Whatsoever your principle of efficient allocation of energy resources.

4 Always wait for perfect conditions before you start anything. If the conditions aren’t right, don’t even think of starting.

5 Spend your time hanging out in your friend’s office during working hours, but if that seems a little extreme, spend evenings at your club or your friend’s house telling tall stories. The more effusive your stories and plans, the better. Do what Boys do: hang out and gist!

6 Wait for the perfect contract even if it takes 3 years. Why waste your time starting on small jobs when the real ones will soon come along?

7 Love process very much and don’t focus on productivity. Indeed, the preparation for the assignment should be more than the assignment. Gather data, prepare to start and shuffle papers. You should indeed be commended for how far you’ve pushed the file through the bureaucratic labyrinth of your desk.

8 Always take ‘No’ for an answer. There is no need to argue. You are a liberal and a gentleman. You don’t want to be crude.

9 Blame your past and if that doesn’t work blame your parents, your wife, your girlfriend, past governments and even Mr. Alder’s dogs. It really doesn’t matter who; just blame someone.

10 Wait for inspiration to do your work. Always wait to be inspired before you do anything.

11 Do just enough in anything. Don’t follow up.